Ramblings.
July 3, 2008This blog has been horribly neglected. I suppose if I weremore inclined to reflection still, I’d be updating this as often and as elaborately as I used to. I’m hardly ever alone enough to reflect though. My mind is filled with noise. It’s not a natural progression for me. Historically, I am an introvert. I would value my moments alone… To write in my blue notebooks. That was my pleasure before. But now, I find myself afraid of silence. Afraid of what I may discover.
So instead, even when I am alone, I keep myself busy with my unproductive pastimes; I watch movies and play online word games much too often. But here I am. Writing. Reflecting, if you please. But not too deeply.
Too many things have happened. The long-term consequences of these events are yet unknown, and the prospect of something so negative gives me anxiety. As a result of that anxiety, I avoid. That makes me a coward, I suppose. But as a psych major, I at least know when not to hurry the dissolution of my defense mechanisms. I will face them when I am ready. Or when factors are at least more favorable that there need not be fear.
As a result of all this avoidance, I might be bringing about those negative consequences myself. Everything I fear might happen… WILL happen… Just because.
I’m just rambling… God be kind.
…
On another note, I wonder if I am capable of writing novels on the horror genre. I believe that I have it in me to scare myself. But would I really want to unlock that part of me which houses all these thoughts of the unnatural? Or the supernatural? I sometimes wonder what Stephen King was like in person. If he could sleep soundly… Does he dream of death? Ghosts? Evil? I’ll remember to ask him if I meet him one day.
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